Episode 24


Aleks isn’t hosting a sex party this week, this gives me time to take care of my other commitments, for example mating with my fuck buddies to stake out my territory. I also need this slow mode to let my body and mind calm down. Nevertheless, Aleks and I text every day like children in love, he tells me incredibly lovely things like: “I really like you”, “You are very special to me” and “I hug you very tightly.” Despite all caution, branded after severe disappointments, I get involved and flirt back, grinning like a teenager with butterflies in my stomach and all.

A hairdresser’s date with Philip came at just the right time for me. I’ve been making a pilgrimage to him for over twenty years. He’s honest, sexy, incredibly humorous and always grounds me when I’m in an unstable phase. And nobody cuts better than him. After several moves, he has his shop in seventh district, not apart from Ilse Schmid, where I always buy my drawing paper. A feel good head massage from a straight man is exactly what I need right now.

“You shine like the sun!“ – “Can you see it?” – “Either you’re high or in love.” – “Both. Alternately, simultaneously.” – “Tell me who is the lucky one.” – “His name is Aleksander, we met at a sex party.” – “Thought old school on Instagram.“ – “Do you straight people have something like that too?” – “In everybody´s dreams. Nope, fucked up swinger clubs and hookers, that’s it.” – “Imagine being in a room full of naked, willing women who are totally high and sticking their asses towards you.” – “Oooh, don’t beat me up!” – “Stop fucking my chair!” – “Damned! For the first time I regret not to be gay.” – “Can be a good guide for you.” – “What are you consuming at these parties?” – “Chems, a lot of people are smoking Tina now.” – “Crytal? Man, heroin is coming back next.” – “Thought it was a light version like MDMA.” – “Keep your hands off it, even from G.” – “How come?” – “These are knockout drops, don´t you know? Used to anesthetize not only horses.” – “That fits quite well, some stallions are so wild that they have to be sedated.”

“What other differences are there?“ – “Women are wired differently, much more sensitive. It’s not all about the cock” – “There is the myth of the giant dick in gay scene” – “And imagine: not every woman can be fucked really hard.” – “How else?” – “She always says Ouch and please not so hard! Everything hurts.” – “But that only happens with a small dick, it’s so easy to get lost there.” – ”And also just a few women can give a real good blow job.“ – “How about deep throat as a compromise?“ – “You propose to her.“ – ”Seems you don´t talk about sex as openly as we do.” – “Haha, definitely not all the time like you and your buddies.”

Nevertheless, my euphoria is curbed for now. I keep thinking about our two nights of partying, which now seem so big and powerful to me, like the huge fireworks bursts that explode in the sky, withering in beauty. We write a few times every day, but we don’t see each other during the week. Are these big feelings heightened by drugs and sex nothing more than a flash in the pan?